Amid the ongoing cost-of-living crisis, many Americans are reassessing how money influences their relationships. A recent survey found that 23% have broken up over financial incompatibility, with another 34% saying they would consider doing the same. Google searches for “financial red flags” have surged by 247%.
Jamie Wall, a personal finance strategist, highlights five crucial money talks couples should have before getting serious. The first is discussing whether they can balance their spending priorities. The second is understanding who influences their financial decisions, such as family or friends.
The third is sharing their biggest money-related fears to align their approaches to saving, spending, and managing risks. The fourth talk is about their “love language” when it comes to money. Some partners enjoy splurging on special occasions, while others prefer budgeting together for shared goals.
The fifth is exploring whether they are heading in the same financial direction, such as running a business, saving for early retirement, or pursuing a simpler life. Wall emphasizes that while money talks aren’t always easy, they can reveal a lot about a couple’s future together. By addressing these questions, partners have the chance to align their financial priorities, habits, and goals.
It’s about listening to each other and identifying any major misunderstandings early on.
Reassessing relationships over financial compatibility
As the saying goes, “money talks,” but most couples aren’t talking enough about money.
Whether it’s silent resentment over spending habits or full-blown arguments about expenses, financial friction is common. Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert and bestselling author, says the issue at the heart of these arguments is often the lack of a shared financial vision, plan, and language. Sethi explains that most couples only have meaningful money conversations when something major is happening, like buying a house or having kids, which is way too late.
He recommends starting with a conversation that focuses on emotions, not expenses. His four-step script involves being vulnerable, sharing feelings, expressing goals, and setting a next step. Ultimately, achieving peace in a relationship comes down to alignment on finances, not just on the numbers, but on values.
Couples need to understand what money means to them, what they want it to create in their lives, and how they’re going to work toward that aim together. Building a vision of a “rich life” together can be an enriching experience that allows a couple to dream up a bigger, brighter future than either partner could alone. Jack Howard, head of money wellness, recommends strategies for couples to communicate about money and build financial stability.
These include creating a safe space to discuss emotions and finances, talking about past money memories, understanding both partners’ money stories before making decisions, and creating a values-based spending and savings plan. Howard emphasizes that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to finances, but discussing them with your partner removes the pressure to spend on things that don’t hold value and allows you to identify the purchases and experiences that bring you joy. By following these strategies, couples can achieve financial security and maintain a healthy, transparent relationship with money.
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